


Deleted Scenes from X of Swords: Stasis

by NotQuiteHydePark



Category: Excalibur (Comic), New Mutants (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Meta, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27340861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotQuiteHydePark/pseuds/NotQuiteHydePark
Relationships: Kitty Pryde/Illyana Rasputin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Deleted Scenes from X of Swords: Stasis

Assembled—however reluctantly—at last, the mutant champions of Krakoa arrive at the Starlight Citadel with a Ksh-Ksh and a Walt Simonson style BWOOMMMM. In the cosmic starry background, faintly outlined in rusty shades amid the blue and black, the angular head of Beta Ray Bill nods approvingly.

“Everyone all right?” Betsy asks.

“Yeah, like a regular gate but it tingles. But not like Chuck Tingles,” young Cable answers.

“What?”

“Sorry. You wouldn’t believe how many things you can read on the modern Internet. Where I come from—”

“We know, kid,” Logan says. “Keep your eye on the ball.”

“We do not know if this is friendly ground,” Storm adds. “Tread as carefully here as you would on a new planet.”

“I would crush the weak on any planet,” [A] responds, “with the strength of my beefy feet. The oldest mutant will not tread carefully, for such is not the way that promotes survival of the fittest! Also I miss my wife terribly.” [A] passes around a milk carton.

“That’s not funny,” Illyana objects.

“Storm is exactly right,” Brian Braddock says, and gives a speech, one that’s actually useful. “The Lady Saturnyne is powerful enough to be as fickle as she pleases… and the rules do;t have to make sense to anyone but her.”

“What rules?” Doug asks. “I haven’t heard any rules!”

“Chuck Tingle rules!” Cable announces. “I can’t believe this stuff is out there in the world in a published book. Can I read you this scene?”

“Not now, Cable,” Logan responds. “Keep your eye on the ball.”

“Oh, I am,” says Cable. “I totally am.”

Several long flat dialogue boxes later Logan brings everyone back to the use of swords. “Everything dies if you can figure out how to kill it.”

“That’s analytically true,” Doug answers, “but not very helpful.”

“What’s analytically true?” Cable asks.

“Analytically true means it follows as a matter of logic from the definition of the words that Logan used,” Illyana explains, “without telling us any facts anout the world.”

“When did you get into logic, kid?” Logan asks.

Illyana shrugs. “I would like to use my sword.”

Far away, as much in love with her first girlfriend as she has ever been, Kate sighs.

“Sorry to interrupt,” says a haughty Saturnyne, “but this is—after all—my house. And in it, I will do whatever I please.”

“Courtney Ross,” says Illyana. “I’ll never forgive you for how you treated my girlfriend. You’re a creep and a half.”

“I’m not—”

“Oh, excuse me,” Illyana continues, “the costume and setting misled me. Emma—”

“I’M NOT EMMA FROST!” Omniversal Majestrikx Opal Luna Saturnyne exclaims. “I’m just drawn that way.”

“Whose fault is that?” asks a frustrated Captain Britain. “Also, don’t complain to me of all people about how you’re drawn.”

“I wasn’t complaining to *you,*” Saturyne ripostes. “But I don’t like it. Or you.”

Each in their separate chambers, the mutants with swords discover their Tarot cards. Far away, a mutant named Tarot misses her snarky friend Roulette and her scritchy-scratchy fuzzy friend Catseye.

“What the heck does this mean?” asks Doug while staring at a flat object with words on it, confused about symbolic interpretation for literally the first time ever. The Two of Cups, a card for lovers, appears to show him, Warlock-armed, drinking with a mysteriously beefy and very tall figure, possibly with a woman’s curves. “No one has ever shipped me with She-Hulk before,” Doug goes on, “and there’s an age gap, but I think she’s cool. Maybe someone will explain later.”

“Nice,” says Illyana, examining the Page of Wands. She texts Kate. “Hey, backpack. Remember when you got me those really cool wands?”

Young Cable yells at his card. “C’mon, man,” he says, confronted with the Fool. “Really? What kind of malarkey is this?”

Logan, noticing how often comics published months ago overlap uncomfortably with the real world, pops his claws and asks us all for Strength.


End file.
